Welcome to my blog, Naked.Famous. I'm Roisin 1 1/2 of MarkRouge Vintage and this is my personal day to day blog

I don't know what's harder, realising the person you like likes you but does not want to label it, or realising yourself that you can't keep being the person you tried to be.

http://flairey.tumblr.com/

I thought I could do it. Just enjoy mucking around with guys. Hey it worked in the beginning, but the more time i spent with Adam, the more I couldn't help but liking him more. Suddenly I didn't want to be this person who was just a hook up for guys or for someone to call to just have fun with (not what your thinking, sort of). I couldn't help but fall for him, couldn't help but want a relationship with him. I may be a lot of things when it comes to guys and parties in the city but I was really 100% myself with him - all the time. I didn't feel strange and odd, I didn't feel scared. I threw myself deeper into a situation I didn't know what was going to come from it.

When Johnson came to town, I was worried. Despite taking a week off classes last year to go and see him and the group in Queensland we had not spoken all that much. He is however the one that can look at me and know when things are not exactly alright. After telling him for three weeks I was fine, he broke me down. He learnt I was far from fine. He said to me that while I'm the strongest person he's ever known, you can't hide the pain and can't keep that smile plastered to your face 24/7. He went on to tell me that he saw that side of me, the broken side when I watched TV. Glazed over was the term he used. I was looking at the TV, but not exactly watching it. My mind was a thousands miles away and it was the first time he'd ever seem me look sad. He's one of my best friends (part time lover full time friend - on account we tried dating once upon a time) he loves me, more than I knew. I love him, unfortunately not the way he means it. Maybe if he was here last year things would have been different, when I didn't like a guy I now know is not going to work. Right guy, wrong moment in time.

I learnt something from Johnson though, he told me that i'm still as strong as I pretend to be, so be that girl I know and tell him exactly how you see it. Before you leave.

Now it's just the point of getting the right words out. You have no idea how many times I have started to tell him let's just be friends and ran the delete button across the screen till there are no words there. Do i want to just be friends? It seems the only thing I can do to still have him in my life. I can't stand when I do see him, being wrapped into his arms and being able to smell how dam good he smells. Or the feeling I get when he runs his fingers over my skin, my body almost ready to jump on him - despite having company.

I have too many words ( 477 to be exact) right now to send a text message and I'm not going to be able to see him to tell him all of this before I leave. Phone call is out of the option I'll burst into tears over the phone, writing it made me what's going to stop it over the phone. I don't know what to say, I'm just thinking out loud?

I have to realistic right? I'm always the one that seems to be messaging first and if i don't it seems to me like you've forgotten about me. Truth or not i'm calling it how I see it. I need to act like the adult I just happen to be now :( How I wish that was not so. I'd so be willing to go back to when I was 17 and underage drinking than dealing with life right now.


*Thanks mary for this, it's perfect. Only that now I'm actually telling him and I won't be able to reply because I'll be on a plane thousands of KM away when or if he reads it.

http://flairey.tumblr.com/

I'll get over this one day, I'll most likely remember it, but for now I want to live. I want to move on so that when I meet someone who wants to be with me - I won't be thinking about him. I won't be wounded.

Labels: Friends, Holiday, Life, LOVE, Travel

So I guess with all things you want to know a little about me then? Sorry to dissapoint you but that's going to have to come later. Right now I'm a little busy to talk about my life but hey look around, read a bit, you might learn something about me you didn't know before.

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