Truth: You never really get over people that meant something important to you.
You just don't see them as that important anymore. Best friends and past lovers. I guess you just accept it, though that's after a long time later. Telling someone everything is going to be ok in the mists of a downward spiral into depression or something else is inception. Planting the idea that later on you will be able to see everything is ok. Only that during that moment you know no one is going to be able to tell you something like that and for you to believe them.
Sometimes it's a little like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eCgdnqEZPM
False: I'm miserable
It only seems like this right now I guess. There are moments when I feel like I am, that I really have thought about ending my life. I have mood swings that go from fine to terrible in seconds, I have trouble sleeping, trouble eating but I do try - try to just live. To live in the moment, the year, the day, the minute, the second, to live in me. Which is why i've been told I have depression. You know there are online tests you can do? I was so freaked out that Rob was right I had to check.
I'm still a little freaked out but you know what, I'm lucky. I get to travel the world, I get things most people don't, I have some amazing friends and even better best friends who are always cheering me up.
I'm going to continue on smiling - despite all the moments I feel I have to force one. Hey though, I'm an expert at that now, it's only when I'm alone that I actually realise myself how much I didn't want to smile.
It's easy to forget
how we once were.
That's what I'm trying to bring back. I don't know who I am anymore. Maybe that's the reasons for my mood swings or my feelings. I'm not living in this reality. The pages of my head have become my world. It's easier than dealing with everything else going on - the terrible things that when i'm in this world reduces me to tears.
I will smile, I will laugh and I will make people to believe I'm alright. I will force myself to believe it. So when I get on the plane on Tuesday. I'm going to leave everything behind. I'm going to start fresh, breathe int he London air and think what is it I need, who I need in my life and most importantly what's worth fighting for.
Labels: Friends, Holiday, Life, LOVE, Music, Travel
So I guess with all things you want to know a little about me then? Sorry to dissapoint you but that's going to have to come later. Right now I'm a little busy to talk about my life but hey look around, read a bit, you might learn something about me you didn't know before.