It happened in class today. I sat there, not actually thinking about it. I was actually doing my work when I realised that my sub conscience needs this as much as I do. Release and time away. I need to breathe a new kind of air, forget what's going on here...
It's a strange feeling when your body is content. It does not happen often, normally reality brings things crashing into perspective. Right now though, it's almost like I could die tomorrow and be happy. As long as the dark thoughts keep themselves at bay.
... I think living so far from him, has been able to help me with this, make me see that as much as we miss each other when were apart, things can't go on the way it is. Three weeks, no contact. Just what I need right now.
I close my eyes, and I hear the sounds of music, the sounds I've been listening to recently, the soft melody of it's calming and drifting lyrics.
We had to do this exercise today. On a piece of paper we had to be truthful about our selves, good and bad traits, who we are (for some logos we have to do).
I learnt from one of the questions that
I think with my head than my heart. I look at things before they happen - the long run.
Leigh told me I fall in love before I even know I'm in it - some science thing to do with thinking with my head apparently thanks to a book we had. I can see it, though my version of love is short lived.
Remember when we were little, when boys were only friends not crushes, lovers. Sometimes I wish i could go back to that, not to save myself because I've done pretty well with guarding my heart, just to know what it's like to be carefree.
Right back to the excerise...
I was sketching some things down and then I saw what was on the page. Birds flying, london's big ben, london eye, double decker bus and the one that caught my attention most was the travel bag. Old fashioned with stickers on the side, brown with floral pattens on the inside. Travel, escape, a purpose is what i'm seeking, searching for - need
edit//
Well now i feel like shit again. Pure utter shit.
If this is depression it can go and slit my wrists - i've actually thought about that, what it would feel like, look like. Would it make me light in the head? Having to cover that up with bandages is a sure giveaway i'm afraid. Maybe when I'm not around people...
Labels: Holiday, Life, LOVE, Music, TAFE, Travel
So I guess with all things you want to know a little about me then? Sorry to dissapoint you but that's going to have to come later. Right now I'm a little busy to talk about my life but hey look around, read a bit, you might learn something about me you didn't know before.