There's a drumming noise inside my head, that throws me to the ground. I sware that you should hear it, it makes such an all mighty sound.
Swaying back and forth, like a monkey through the trees, my head is spinning and racing, getting away from me.
It's like I can hear the voices in my head, my own but stronger, not always something I appreciapte. I'm happy I have Will though. He's been one person I can e-mail and talk to all the time and tell me everything's alright in a way that I can understand, he knows the pain, he knows what the pain is like, on a personal level.
Truth be, England was just one epic tearfilled holiday. I didn't think one person could cry so much. I think I cried myself to sleep at least a week out of my holiday. The days were good, the sun was out and I pushed back tears behind my sunglasses and new clothes and things.
I'm getting there though, building my wall back up the one a certain person completly broke down without really knowing.
I can literly feel the inside of me, the darkness somewhere, but where there is darkness there is always light. You can't have night without day and even with an eclipse the light comes back in the end. I just feel like I'm living in Antartica right now - and the sun is beginning to come back out.
Let's hope that's the case.
I miss the time where I could smile and laugh and really enjoy it - alcohol fules that emotion now, making my smile turn into a laughter. Just watch when standing along I bet you can see the sadness on my face, or the tears willing up in them.
Everything isn't alright but for you. I'll just pretend I'm fine. It's better than people fauning over you. There is nothing I hate more than having people telling you things will get better that everything will get better, and be fine. It only makes the voices inside my head stronger, makes me stronger and unfortunally that's when I pretty much don't care about anyone. Their feelings, their emotions and my motto 'fuck it' comes into place!
BRING ON THE FUCKING WEEKEND
Labels: Friends, Life, Music
So I guess with all things you want to know a little about me then? Sorry to dissapoint you but that's going to have to come later. Right now I'm a little busy to talk about my life but hey look around, read a bit, you might learn something about me you didn't know before.