He turned away from her to go
She said she wouldn't cry
That was really just a lie
She knows the noises in her mind
Nothing's left but
Screaming silence
After all she feels numbness inside
The feeling's gone
She's upside down
The pictures behind her closed eyes
After today my heart is on the table.
Everything will be out and my game will be over.
All I know is that already reading what I'm going to say out loud brings me to tears. Tears that since that night I've not been able to stop. You broke my wall and I'm hoping this is going to bring it back.
I'm taking the leap, I'm jumping right into the fire with no thought of consequences for myself. I'm being as honest as I can get. There are two people in my heart at the moment. One I've known my whole life and has made a nice home in there, safe and with no exist.
The other one has wormed his way in there through no thought of my own and I have to let him go if I'm ever going to get past this though I wish deeply it didn't have to be this way.
I've never done this, I don't ever do this but I guess this is what it teachers us. I know I'm never going to be able to say this to anyone else, because I don't know if I'll be able to let anyone else in for a while. I can't help but blame myself, the fact I feel like shit all the time. Worthless and used. I know I need to push past this but right now I just can't. With everything going on around me I seem like I don't even know how I'm pushing through day by day.
My mind was cruel last night, I honestly think they wanted me to die. Every time I closed my eyes to sleep I could see the fire, feel the flames and I'd wake up in a cold damp sweat that closed my voice off from my scream because of the sheet wrapped so tightly around my body. I fought till I collapsed. I have no strength left in me. Death is such a sad event but I also think it's the beginning of something else. Doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
That's two deaths now I've cried over.
Labels: Life
So I guess with all things you want to know a little about me then? Sorry to dissapoint you but that's going to have to come later. Right now I'm a little busy to talk about my life but hey look around, read a bit, you might learn something about me you didn't know before.
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