I tried to eat this morning but like most of the past few days every time I do I feel sick. Like it doesn't want to stay down. It's my mind I know it is, because my stomache gets louder and louder for food that I just can't convince myself I need to eat.
I don't know if there is even a word doctors call what I have. It's not like I chose not to eat, I just have my mind telling me not to. Making me feel like I'm going to be sick as well, maybe that's part of it.
People over eat all the time but what is it when your mind tells you no to food.
I haven't had to deal with this for at least a year, so it suddenly coming back at possibly the worst time for me just makes me want to die.
It's so hard to deal with this, I'd only eat when people were around just to satasify them. I don't think I'm fat and I know I don't need to lose anymore weight - it's a mind set and it's attacking me again.
It's like the dark thoughts in my head are controlling it. I don't know what else to call them, I've always called them dark thoughts.
I need Johnson, he helped me through it last time when no one else knew what was going on. I guess I really am sad because when I was happy, it seemed to just dissapear away. I already feel like I want to crawl up into a ball and die, maybe I already am.
Labels: Life
So I guess with all things you want to know a little about me then? Sorry to dissapoint you but that's going to have to come later. Right now I'm a little busy to talk about my life but hey look around, read a bit, you might learn something about me you didn't know before.
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