I’ve started writing again, I don’t know what it is but I had lost the desire to the past couple of months but it came back tonight. ‘Words are powerful’ someone once told me, ‘they allow the readers to see into your soul, your mind, to feel what it’s like no matter what they come across’. I know it needs editing, I also know I’ve sort of mixed my own personal thoughts with it – I never have done that.
This story I’ve been working on I’ve always seen this situation in my head just never had words to put it together. I saw it raining, I saw her vulnerable for the second time, this time allowing herself to hear what her mind has silently spoken for a long time and not keeping it inside - that's what I had failed to realise before seeing her face in my mind.
There is always one secret no one ever tells anyone – I’m getting rid of that, Isis will be stripped of everything (something I personally could never imagine having to put onto someone else, I hate to burden other people), curled into a ball, frozen and defenceless. If the weak gave up, there is no point to living. Find a strength and hold onto it for dear life, no matter how small it might be and pull yourself up into the light.
“You’re the only one that’s actually seen me for who I am. I’ve always looked after myself, on my own and I was ok with that. I never thought someone would actually care to what I have under it all. I never thought you would care to get to know me that well. I guess what I’m saying is you’ve always known who you were, you have strength and truth in your words and you have a gift for life I wish I could have one fraction of. I can’t change the past, it’s been done but I never planned on hurting you by pushing you away through this. I was scared, I still am of letting someone so close to me but you’ve made me feel like I don’t have to be. You’ve made me feel for the first time and while it hurts and the pain is unbearable at times you’ve made me realise what it is to be human. To laugh and cry, to be happy and sad but most of all to realise that what ever happens, from this second to the next year is only the beginning.”
The rain had me soaked right through to the bone, like the moment I first met him. I stood here giving him the opportunity to break my heart, from the first moment I knew there was something about him, the way he spoke to the way he conducted himself. I knew I had to get to know him, I knew if I didn’t something would not be right.
His blue eyes locked onto mine, seeing into me and for once I wasn’t afraid to look away. My words had my strength but I also had to be strong for myself, I needed to be. I didn’t know if it was the reflection of the tears in my eyes that showed in his, till a tear fell down his face.
We were both broken souls, with so much pain and hidden emotions that finding someone, that one person that brings it out of you – that person is worth holding onto.
Every word that comes out of someone’s mouth can be a surprise. You want to believe they don’t want to hurt you but that emotion appears anyway. It’s the silence that’s the worst. The way your mind goes nuts over thinking and analysing everything that’s been said and done. What you could have done, said here and there. The silence here and now set my heart racing and I wanted to say something, but I had nothing. I didn’t have the power to read his mind. So silence was all I could accept knowing this might be the last peaceful moment we were going to have or it could be one of many more to come.
Song truths:
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
any I try and try to walk away
but I know this crush ain't going
away.
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I thought love was black and white
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So if you're asking me I want you
to know...
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Labels: Book, Music
So I guess with all things you want to know a little about me then? Sorry to dissapoint you but that's going to have to come later. Right now I'm a little busy to talk about my life but hey look around, read a bit, you might learn something about me you didn't know before.