I tell myself if you want to talk to me you would. I don't see why I'm the one who always have to make the effort. I know friendship involves two people working on it but the way the situation ended I'm not the one who has to make the effort.
Because the thing is, I'm alright with this silence. There are moments still when you appear in my mind, memories mostly or in my dreams which leave me waking up either wrapped tightly in my sheets or sweating from what ever the dream was about - expect I knew you were in it.
With this month I've had two people make me realise that those who want to me in my life, they make an effort to stay in it. One is living in America and one just opened up to me something which he spared telling me on my birthday so I can have a good day (the 23rd).
"I know it's not easy giving up your heart" - Adele (21 Album)
There will be a part of me which will ALWAYS love him. But I no longer can feel those emotions when I think about them, I can no longer picture his face as easily as I can my friends (I lose people's faces in my mind when they don't mean much to me anymore). Seeing him will bring them back like a tidal wave I know that much, which is why the silence is good.
I can't be his friend.
It kills me realising it, because he was once the most important person in my life to me, he meant the world to me. But all I'll ever feel around him is hurt and upset as as J told me "you deserve to be happy, the people that make you upset don't deserve to be in your life. You have to let them go, because you will always hold on to what ever it is you are and the pain from it will always be there" something like that he said.
My life is finally coming around. I work at Rebel Sports with Dec and other people I'm still getting to know.
I've changed and yeah it's all happened this month but hey I'm finally happy again :)
Labels: Friends, Life, Music
So I guess with all things you want to know a little about me then? Sorry to dissapoint you but that's going to have to come later. Right now I'm a little busy to talk about my life but hey look around, read a bit, you might learn something about me you didn't know before.