It's a strange feeling when I hear a song that has lyrics that automatically make me think back to my past, to the one's I didn't and did love. It's sad really to think how they slipped from me in a daze of cloud that seemed to fog one's vision. Because really when I look back and think would I have done it all differently - well my answer is yes. It always will be but is it with regrets, no.
Why? Because without everything happening, I wouldn't have M, the one person who I love more than I care for myself. Earlier this week Adam came to my mind and even stranger that Felicity was the one at my defence when I'd heard nothing of her for the same time he had been out of my life.
He's been sitting there, Adam on my friends list on facebook waiting for that confirm button to be pressed. In the beginning I didn't know if I wanted him there, if there was a risk of us contacting each other and possibly forming back a friendship after all this long.
Now I know there isn't. Not from me, considering I always made the contact first for everything and he's had 6 something months to get in contact with me, and hasn't.
I was also worried that in accepting him on facebook, I'd be doing something wrong against M, that my feelings would be lesser or just in general sabotage things for M and I.
How silly of me to think such things, were about to spend our 3rd month together and were going away for it as well. 1 month longer than Adam and I lasted and really, more connected.
I won't lie and say I don't miss him, the foreign and different movie's we watched, or the love we both have for the arts and photography which sadly M has no interest in the slightest.
That's part of life I guess, and I'm starting to see that we can't have everything and we make our own luck and our own things from what we have.
I will always love Adam, he taught me everything in the breakdown of us.
However it's M that has my heart in a way no one else has ever had. In fact he's on his way over now like he is so many other nights, or I'm at his. Being apart from him even for a day, hurts - that's something no one has ever been able to make me feel.
He's never missed saying goodnight to me, in a text or in his arms just as I'm about to fall asleep in his bed or mine.
Love is amazing and powerful and sometimes, I just want to scream it out loud.
Labels: LOVE
So I guess with all things you want to know a little about me then? Sorry to dissapoint you but that's going to have to come later. Right now I'm a little busy to talk about my life but hey look around, read a bit, you might learn something about me you didn't know before.