I feel a bit out of place, that it seems everything is upside down and inside out. I don't know how to begin to explain it, or I do just not sure I want to. I haven't felt this out of place since february and I wonder if I'm going backwards instead of forwards. I'm pushing people away and I know I should be holding on for dear life but I just feel so tired. Tired of it all, that feeling that I can't do anything right at this moment. It's frustrating and I want to curl into a ball and just sleep for a year.
Wake me up when October ends.
I have so much to look forward to however.
- Queensland this week with M
- Beck's 21st Birthday Party
- Sean's 21st Birthday Party
- Kim's 21st Birthday Party
- Chris' Halloween Birthday Party
- M's 23rd Birthday
Yet something seems not quite right and I don't know what it is. I can't...this weekend has been the worst and the only person who has made it better is M, he's so kind and nice I feel like I don't deserve it, him. Sometimes I feel like I deserve to be treated the way Adam did, sometimes I feel as small as he made me feel but I know M never does. He makes me the top of some tower telling me sweet words I wish I could believe. He thinks I'm perfect and amazing and I know and can never accept that I am.
The world is dark again and I'm trying to see the light, I can't believe it but I miss Adam and that ability to connect to the arts and design in a way I'm never going to go into.
I'm going to get through this, how I don't know but I have surrounded myself with good people who I want in my life and kept a few on the sides but mainly I have the best lot of friends I could ask for. I just need to embrace it more, or something...
Labels: Life
So I guess with all things you want to know a little about me then? Sorry to dissapoint you but that's going to have to come later. Right now I'm a little busy to talk about my life but hey look around, read a bit, you might learn something about me you didn't know before.
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